As Mother's Day approaches, it always makes me think back to the first time I celebrated the occasion. It was 2018, my daughter was barely 5 months old & I was in the middle of studying for my license exam to become an RPN. Thinking back always makes me realize how much I have gone through as a first-time mom, trying to navigate being a novice nurse while trying to raise a healthy, kind, and happy little one. It was not easy, as most days I felt overwhelmed, frustrated and sad by all the outside pressure/expectations to do well in being a mom and a nurse.
Now, 5 years later I feel like I've gone back to the same old feelings as I navigate going back to full time school, while working, and trying to spend as much quality time as I can with my daughter. These past few years have not been easy, and it has been overwhelming to be a parent, a student, and a nurse all at the same time through the pandemic. With all the unknowns during these couple years, I always felt like I was drowning with all the things I would like to do with and for my daughter.
Most days I felt like I was a failure in both of my roles that I'm trying to be the best at- failing as a parent was my biggest worry as every time I had to say "Sorry, I'm busy with school right now" or "Sorry, I have to go to work this weekend". I saw just how sad it made my daughter feel, that I was not spending as much time with her anymore- it always broken my heart and has often made feel less of a parent. Although everything I'm doing is for my daughter, it's so easy to forget that she also just wants to do things with me. Realizing this has definitely made me look at things from my daughter's perspective, I know now, that I had to set certain dates where it would just be us two.
Putting myself in my daughter's perspective, I have learned to take breath and to take things slowly, because while I'm so busy trying to get everything done for her, she's also growing up and won't ever be this little again. Through her, I have realized that I'm not the only one going through the changes when I decided to go back to school, while working and being a parent. That we were both navigating these changes. I learned that I should be more patient with myself because how I can teach her to understand herself, when I wasn't doing it for myself?
Being patient with myself has taught me to be more patient of her, to be more understanding of her feelings and to just listen. As a first-time mom, who's also trying to break generational trauma by learning to parent gently- it has been a roller coaster journey. I know, I'm not always on the right track but I continue to learn to be a mom who reflects on her actions, a mom who apologizes when she did wrong, and a mom who will always listen. I am and will always be forever grateful that I was blessed to have been gifted a daughter who has taught me more about being a mom and continues to show me how to become the best version of myself, that she very much deserves to have alongside her as she grows up and navigates her own journey.
Happy Mother's Day!
Elisa currently lives in Brantford with her 5-year-old Phoebe. They enjoy camping and dancing together!
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